The Most Intelligent Thing We Own

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

– Buddha

I caught a cold one night this summer. It came on like a lightening bolt.

One minute it wasn’t there, the next minute it was.

Just like that. 

Boom.

Sneeze attack. The works.

Friday I felt separate. Less than. Woke up tired… in a daze. 

Low energy and disconnection. I couldn’t feel myself. I couldn’t feel God.

It totally sucked.

But I surrendered.

“Today I have a cold and it’s just the way it is.”

I took time to rest and reflect (and watch a lottttt of Netflix), and in that time something came through: There’s more to this.

There always is.

I recently had a fight with a dear friend of mine.

Well, two fights actually.

We were misunderstanding each other, and therefore not hearing each other, and therefore completely pissed off and not willing to venture out of our perspective corners.

Strong women are stubborn.

I actually love that about us.

But I was still holding on to anger, resentment, frustration, hurt, misunderstanding…

I knew that it was all okay, and that it would all pass, but I still wanted to be right about it. Like she misunderstood me (and not the other way around) — and play the victim.

I love to be right, I will admit.

I used to love it more than my peace. 

But not anymore.

I sat in this stuckness, this separateness, this disconnection – from her, from myself and from God. 

Triple whammy.

I sat in it for hours… and then that night, I forgave her. This isn’t always easy for me, but I did it. I let the tears come (and then the snot) and just let it all fall away.

I got in the hottest shower I could handle with a few essential oils (my Divine Feminine blend) and let the steam cleanse me. I turned on my favorite calming music and just let it alllllll go.

I felt the resentment leave. Wash away with the water.

And I was back.

Okay, I was coming back. The separation was gone and I felt a million times better, but still had a head full of snot that was moving into my chest. So I repeated this scalding hot shower method 3 more times, and took 2 scalding hot salt baths to boot.

Turns out… I wasn’t just angry at her. 

I was just fucking angry.

But each time I sat with it, honored it and attempted to wash it away… I felt so much lighter. 

And it’s not like I’ll never be angry again, but damn it felt good to let that shit go.

The truth is I was separate from God.

When you really tune into your innate wisdom (your inner physician), you will see that every sickness, ailment, dis-ease, disorder, etc. gets in the way of you and God. You and Self. You and Other.

You and everything.

And then you can become attached to it. Identified with it:

“My cancer”

“My cold”

“My bad shoulder”

“My bum knee”…

My sickness was manifested by my resentment.

And resentment, from what I have read, can literally give you cancer.

So fuck that shit.

My resentment gets in the way of God.

My fear gets in the way of God.

And my anger gets in the way of everything.

And when I feel separate, I feel sick. Like something is so seriously wrong with me. And sometimes, instead of seeing the truth, I choose to see that I am not worthy. That something is wrong with me.

And the truth is, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just holding on to toxins (drinking poison).

As a student interested in the health of the Emotional Body, understanding this is absolutely essential. 

The nervous system is not designed to carry stress.

That’s why it makes us sick (and sometimes kills us).

Our pain/anger/sickness gets in the way of our relationships: with God, with Self, and with others. 

But it can also bring us closer… if we let it.

You see, our bodies are the most intelligent things we own. 

Not our smart phones.

Our body knows how to heal itself.

It knows how to heal regardless of our emotional dis-ease or separateness. And if we listen to it’s truth, we will find it’s always right.

When it’s sick, it’s time to slow down and let go. And possibly heal an emotional wound that will change the course of our life.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;

you are the one who gets burned.”

– Buddha