“I Can’t Do This”

My heart is actually breaking << open >> because what I am most afraid of is me leaving myself. 

As I realize the truth in this moment...

I have been leaving myself almost every day for my entire life. 

“I can’t do this”

Those are the words I spoke to myself yesterday. 

“I can’t do this,”

“I can’t wear that,”

“I can’t be this,”

“I can’t show that,”

“I can’t do that.”

It hurts to acknowledge the ways I have been holding myself back. 

It feels really freeing to finally acknowledge the ways I have been imprisoning myself. 

“I can do this” because of what someone else may make that mean about themselves (or me). 

“I can do that” because someone may take their love away from me. 

“I can’t do this” because our relationship cannot ever be about me. It must always be about the other. 

“I can’t do that” because I’m attached to the way you see me when I deny myself. 

“I can’t do this” because I need to protect myself from whatever bad might happen, or emotional bombs might go off, if I do. 

“I can’t do that” because I care more about your comfort than my own health and happiness. 

“I can’t do this” because if I shine as bright as I am, someone will be hurt, triggered, or offended by it. 

“I can’t do this.”

Want to get vulnerable with me?

What “can’t you do” because of the stories you make up in your own mind?